Siste episoder av But Why? Real talk on messy minds, and messier systems podcast

1. But Why Is My Brain So Overwhelmed? | The Psychology of Sensory Processing and Sensory Stress16.07.2025 (00:52:13)

   Sometimes it's the spoon scraping the bowl. Or the tag on your shirt. Or the wind in your ears. And suddenly...it's all too much. In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the messy, invisible world of sensory stress and how it shapes daily life for many people (often neurodivergent). From autistic shutdowns to ADHD overstimulation, they explore why modern environments are hostile to our nervous systems, and what it means to live in a world not built for your brain. They dig into:• What sensory stress really is, and why it's not “just being sensitive”• The difference between ADHD and autistic sensory experiences• Guilt, shame & why masking becomes a survival tool• Why seemingly small things can lead to big crashes• How to recognise, respect, and respond to sensory needs in yourself and others This is a call to stop pathologising sensory needs, start redesigning our environments, and finally ask: what if the world is just too loud and we weren’t meant to tolerate it?

2. But Why Are Men Fighting Gorillas? | Masculinity, Burnout & the Myth of Invulnerability24.06.2025 (01:08:18)

   What do silverback gorillas, burnout, and barstool bravado have in common? More than you think. In this brilliantly bizarre episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by psychologist and burnout researcher Dr. Pete Olusoga to unpack why 100 men vs 1 gorilla became a cultural obsession — and what it reveals about masculinity, performance, and emotional repression. Together, they unpack:• The “alpha male” myth and its viral appeal• Why masculinity feels performative, fragile, and exhausting• The psychology of burnout and who it’s selling out• What TikTok fitness bros and Jordan Peterson have in common• Why being “a real man” might just burn you out From the manosphere to the therapist’s couch, this is a wild ride through memes, masculinity, and what it really means to be resilient. Spoiler: You don’t need to fight a gorilla to prove your worth. Pete's Details: Insta: @dr_pete_olusoga / @eightypercentmental TikTok: @dr_pete_olusoga Web: www.eightypercentmental.com But Why Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

3. But Why Are We Always Trying to Fix Ourselves? | Self-Improvement, Burnout & Capitalism in Disguise10.06.2025 (01:03:28)

   From sleep scores to step counts, even our joy is being tracked. But who is all this “self-improvement” really for? In this episode, Kristin and Laura ask what happens when being human stops being the goal and starts being a problem to fix. They unpack the rise of over-optimization, how capitalism convinced us we’re machines, and why even therapy isn’t safe from performance culture. Together, they explore:• The history of optimization — from factory floors to Fitbits• Why rest, joy, and creativity feel “unproductive”• How wellness culture became capitalism in disguise• Why therapy doesn’t work when it mimics the systems we’re trying to survive• How to reclaim unoptimized joy, boredom, and being for the sake of being This is a call to step off the treadmill, turn off the tracker, and return to what makes us human. Even if it’s messy. Especially because it’s messy. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

4. But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity & The Psychology Behind the Pushback28.05.2025 (01:18:35)

   From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath? In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:• Why our brains go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn• The difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)• How whiteness, masculinity, and identity get tangled in pushback• Why vulnerability is framed as weakness, and who benefits• What defensiveness looks like in relationships, work, and culture This is a compassionate but clear-eyed conversation about why being wrong feels so threatening — and what’s possible when we pause, get curious, and choose accountability instead. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

5. But Why Are Men Falling for This? | The Psychology of the Manosphere, Misogyny & Modern Masculinity13.05.2025 (01:36:08)

   In this special guest episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Oliver Niehaus to explore why so many men and boys are being pulled into the Manosphere. From red pill influencers to anti-intellectual rants and fragile masculinity, we unpack:• Why the manosphere sells grievance disguised as growth• How patriarchy harms men — and why they struggle to admit it• The role of loneliness, algorithms, and masculinity myths• The difference between accountability and shame• How fear of women’s power fuels cultural backlash With personal stories, critical insight, and plenty of systemic analysis, this episode dives deep into what happens when culture tells men they’re owed something — and robs them of connection instead.Spoiler: they’re being sold a lie. And it’s costing everyone. You can find Oliver on Youtube @oliverniehaus, Instagram @olivermniehaus, and TikTok @oliver.niehaus As always, head to our linktree for the podcast and Kristin and Laura's socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

6. But Why Is Joy "Basic" for Women? | Gendered Taste, Cultural Shame & Internalized Misogyny06.05.2025 (01:09:05)

   In this thought-provoking episode, Kristin and Laura ask why women’s joy so often gets dismissed as “basic.” From Taylor Swift fandoms to fantasy novels, they unpack the deep psychological roots of how gendered taste is constructed—and why we feel guilty for what we love. They dive into:• Why "guilty pleasures" are a feminist issue• The Enlightenment origins of the gender binary• How cultural legitimacy is shaped by patriarchy• The impact of internalized misogyny on hobbies and identity• Personal stories of navigating shame, taste, and authenticity This episode is a celebration of reclaiming joy, challenging cultural scripts, and asking: what if liking what we like was radical?

7. But Why Are Boys Turning to Misogyny? | Masculinity, Media & the World of Adolescence01.04.2025 (01:10:05)

   In this episode, Kristin and Laura take a psychological deep dive into Netflix’s Adolescence, a gripping series that explores how one teenage boy ends up committing an unthinkable act. But instead of focusing on who did it, the show—and this conversation—asks why. Together, we explore: • What incel culture is and how boys are drawn into it • The role of social media, masculinity myths, and loneliness • How families and schools can better support emotional growth • Why girls' safety is still treated as secondary • The emotional toll of being unheard—for everyone This episode is about more than one story. It’s about the cultural conditions we’ve created—and the conversations we still need to have. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

8. But Why Is Sport Still Built for Men? | How History, Media & Misogyny Keep Women Out18.03.2025 (00:58:01)

   From Yorkie bars to Olympic podiums, women in sport have always faced more than just the competition. In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore how sport has been systematically shaped to exclude women — and how this exclusion is still happening today. From overt bans in the 20th century to TikTok trolls and pay gaps in 2025, we unpack: • Why women were banned from football and basketball for decades • How media growth aligned with shutting women out of sport • The myth of “no one watches women’s sport” — and why it's wrong • Why misogyny thrives in comment sections and boardrooms alike • What it means to play, coach, and exist in systems never built for you This is a call to name the backlash for what it is — and to keep showing up anyway. Because every time women step onto the field, they’re doing more than playing. They’re refusing to disappear. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

9. But Why Does Progress Always Scare Them? | A Backlash History of Women’s Rights04.03.2025 (01:10:47)

   From bicycles to boardrooms, women’s progress has always triggered backlash. In this episode, Kristin and Laura trace a powerful throughline across 140 years of history — showing how each leap forward for women has been met with a push to drag them back. We unpack: • Why “bicycle face” was invented to stop women riding freely • How 1950s housewives were drugged into compliance • The flapper, the feminist, and the fear of female autonomy • How sport, beauty, and motherhood became tools of control • The resurgence of incel culture and tradwives in today’s algorithmic patriarchy From hysterical diagnoses to TikTok misogyny, this episode asks: What are they really so afraid of? And why does our joy, our freedom, and our power keep becoming the battleground?  Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

10. But Why Don’t We Feel Motivated? | Self-Determination Theory, Burnout & the Myth of Willpower18.02.2025 (01:12:27)

    Is it burnout, is it capitalism, or are you just lazy? (Spoiler: it’s not the last one.) In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack what motivation actually is — and why we keep expecting ourselves to push through exhaustion like it’s a personal failure. Guided by Self-Determination Theory (SDT), they explore: • The difference between high vs low quality motivation • Why guilt and shame don't lead to lasting change • How our basic psychological needs shape behavior • What happens when society conflicts with human motivation • Neurodivergence, hyperfocus, and demand avoidance From dishwasher-loading rules to existential dread and fascism, it’s all here. If you’ve ever wondered why you “just can’t make yourself do it,” this episode offers answers — and maybe a little permission to be kinder to yourself.  Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

11. But Why Are We Still Getting Sport So Wrong? | Myths, Misogyny & the Stories Women Aren’t Telling04.02.2025 (01:11:27)

    In this episode, Kristin and Laura are joined by Amy and Jen to unpack their latest books Myths of Sport Performance and Women Working in Sport. From gender bias in coaching to the emotional toll of surviving male-dominated spaces, we explore: • Why performance myths won’t die — and who profits when they stay alive • The gap between academia and social media “truths” • What’s missing from mainstream conversations about equity in sport • Pregnancy, performance, and invisible barriers • Why women still leave sport — and what happens when we stay It’s part myth-busting, part storytelling, and all truth. Because women working in sport are not new — we’ve just never been listened to. Socials/Links: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod Myths of Sport Performance: https://www.sequoia-books.com/catalog/sport/

12. But Why Don’t Resolutions Work? | Goal Setting, Burnout & Being Kinder to Ourselves17.12.2024 (01:02:28)

    It’s our holiday party and we’re breaking down the science (and the BS) of New Year’s resolutions — all while sipping wine, comparing tattoos, and trying not to set anything on fire. In this festive-but-serious episode, Kristin and Laura explore:• Why so many resolutions fall apart by February• How to make goals that actually work for you• The psychology behind outcome, process, and open goals• What neurodivergence, shame, and survival mode have to do with “laziness”• Why self-acceptance — not pressure — is the key to real change It’s part party, part pep talk, part therapy. Settle in with your weirdest wine glass, grab a snack you love, and remember: you’re not lazy. You’re tired, human, and trying your best. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

13. But Why Is Burnout Different for Us? | Autism, ADHD & the Cost of Hiding Who We Are10.12.2024 (01:15:50)

    In this follow-up to our general burnout episode, Kristin and Laura explore what burnout looks like through a neurodivergent lens — and why it so often goes unrecognised, misdiagnosed, or misunderstood. Between chaotic mornings, ADHD hyperfocus, executive dysfunction, and autistic masking, we unpack:• What autistic and ADHD burnout really feel like• The difference between executive dysfunction and laziness• Why burnout in neurodivergent people is often mistaken for depression or anxiety• How gender roles, stigma, and social expectations shape late diagnoses• What it means to rest, recover, and set boundaries that actually work It’s part research, part lived experience, and all honesty — with a few chaotic tangents and candle mishaps along the way. You’re not broken. You’re burnt out. And you’re not alone. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

14. But Why Are We All Burnt Out? | The Psychology, Politics & Pressure Behind Exhaustion03.12.2024 (01:10:36)

    We were going to do something light and fun. But then… we remembered we’re burnt out. In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore the complex emotional, physical, and political layers of burnout — not just as a personal feeling, but as a symptom of the systems we live in. Between rainbow sightings, chaotic dog farts, and some very real science, we unpack:• What burnout really is (and why most people don’t know)• How capitalism, patriarchy, and perfectionism fuel exhaustion• Why women experience burnout more — and feel guiltier for it• The toxic myth of "time management" as a fix-all• What rest actually looks like across different neurotypes This is not a productivity episode. It’s a psychological deep-dive into why we’re all so tired, and what it might take to step off the treadmill — even just a little.  Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

15. But Why Does Everything Feel So Personal? | The Socioecological Model & The Systems Shaping Us25.11.2024 (01:08:38)

    Why do we blame ourselves for things that aren’t really our fault? In this deeply human (and deeply caffeinated) episode, Kristin and Laura explore the socioecological model — a powerful psychological framework that explains how our personal struggles are shaped by the people, places, and politics around us. With stories about concussion panic, dog therapy, sport sexism, and burnout, we unpack:• Why self-blame misses the point• How your workplace, relationships, and culture interact• The difference between purpose and meaning (and why that matters)• How stereotypes and policies trickle down into everyday life• Why women get asked to make the tea — and what that really says This episode is part psych theory, part personal spiral, part feminist reframe. If you’ve ever felt broken, too sensitive, or just exhausted by “doing it all,” this one’s for you. Because maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s the system. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

16. But Why Is Mental Health Still So Misunderstood? | Wellbeing & the Psychology of Feeling Human18.11.2024 (01:10:44)

    Is it anxiety? Is it burnout? Or are you just human in a broken world? In this vulnerable and wide-ranging episode, Kristin and Laura dive deep into what mental health really means — and why it’s often confused with mental illness. Through personal stories, psychology frameworks, and way too many Twilight references, they unpack:• The difference between mental health, mental illness & compromised wellbeing• Why mindfulness isn’t always the answer• What self-compassion and small wins actually look like in practice• How societal distrust and disconnection are shaping burnout• The mental toll of misogyny, political fear, and online violence This episode blends theory with lived experience — and it’s as much about surviving as it is about resisting. Because it turns out being "okay" isn’t the point. Being real might be. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

17. But Why Does Speaking Up Still Feel Risky? | Psychological Safety, Power & Performance Culture11.11.2024 (01:00:48)

    From silent meetings to shouty comment sections, what makes some spaces feel safe — and others, like you can’t speak at all? In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the concept of psychological safety — not just as a corporate buzzword, but as a critical piece of being human. Rooted in decades of research and personal experience, they explore:• What psychological safety really means (and what it doesn’t)• Why diversity without inclusion isn’t progress• How gender, power, and performance culture shape who gets heard• The paradox of tolerance — and who really feels safe in a “free speech” world• What it takes to show up fully, speak up meaningfully, and still feel like you belong From elite sport to research teams, yoga classes to online spaces, this episode is a call to create environments that don’t just demand authenticity — but make it safe to live it. Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

18. But Why Do Witches Still Haunt Us? | How Misogyny & Media Keep the Witch Alive29.10.2024 (01:04:59)

    In Part 2 of our Halloween series, we move from broomsticks to boardrooms — exploring how the witch trials never truly ended. Kristin and Laura dive into how the image of the witch morphed into modern misogyny, media tropes, and political smear campaigns. From Sabrina the Teenage Witch to Hillary Clinton, we unpack: • How "witch" became a slur for powerful women • Why women still fear being seen • The cultural obsession with female purity, professionalism, and performance • How capitalism co-opted the witch for wellness trends • Personal stories of unmasking, self-censorship, and “too much-ness” It’s a call to embrace your inner chaos, reject the rulebook, and ask: what if they were scared of us… for good reason?  Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

19. But Why Are Women Still Being Burned at the Stake? | Witch Hunts, Patriarchy & Historical Misogyny21.10.2024 (01:04:47)

    TW: This episode contains mentions/discussions around difficult topics such as death, sexual assault, and assault more broadly. Why were witches really hunted — and why does it still matter today? In this Halloween special of But Why: Real talk on messy minds and messier systems, psychologists Kristin and Laura explore the history of witch trials through a feminist and socio-political lens. From medieval alewives to modern workplace misogyny, this episode digs into how “witch” became code for “woman who won’t comply.” You'll hear about: • The real economic and political motives behind witch hunts • Why women were demonized for healing, brewing beer, or living alone • How modern media and politics still weaponize “witch” as a slur against powerful women • Their personal reflections on authenticity, unmasking, and fear of being perceived A mix of history, humour, trauma, and feminist rage — this one’s not just about witches. It’s about us.

20. But Why Is Sexism Still a Thing? | Ambivalent Sexism and Gender Roles18.10.2024 (00:55:23)

    TW: This episode discusses potentially distressing topics such as sexism and related topics (e.g., harassment or assault)   Why does sexism still feel so damn relentless in 2024? In this episode of But Why: Real talk on messy minds and messier systems, psychologists Kristin and Laura unpack ambivalent sexism — the sneaky blend of benevolent and hostile sexism that keeps gender roles tightly in place. With vulnerability, rage, humour, and research, they explore how we internalize misogyny, the emotional labour of calling it out, and why being “too much” is still punishable.   They also take a personal deep dive: when should you challenge sexism, and when is it safer to stay quiet? Whether you’re new to feminist thought or just need someone to validate your rage, this one’s for you.

21. But Why Is Being Ourselves So Hard? | Identity, Authenticity & Performing for Belonging14.10.2024 (00:55:10)

    From band t-shirts to burnout, Kristin and Laura ask a deceptively simple question: why is it so hard to just be ourselves? In this honest and often hilarious episode, they unpack the psychology of identity — how it’s formed, how it’s performed, and what happens when it doesn’t match our sense of self. Together, they explore:• The difference between identity and sense of self• Why performance isn’t always a bad thing• How gender, sport, and neurodivergence shape how we show up• The mental toll of hiding parts of ourselves to “fit in”• What authenticity really means — and why it’s complicated Whether you’ve ever masked who you are, felt like a fraud, or changed outfits before a Zoom call, this one’s for you. Because being yourself shouldn’t feel like a risk.