Adoption Unfiltered™ is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring more than 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and discuss sensitive and timely issues through the lens of our lived experiences of adoption, and dialogue with others from within the adoption constellation.
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Ethics in Adoption Tour: Salt Lake City (00:59:30)
This episode finds Adoption Unfiltered™ on the road for its "Ethics in Adoption" tour. Our first stop on this three-city tour could be none other than Salt Lake City, Utah. As attorney and panelist Wes Hutchins said, "Utah has legalized fraud in the context of adoption." Calling out exploitative practices and calling for better policies is of utmost importance.Joining the authors of Adoption Unfiltered™ in this episode are four panelists: adoptee Dani Zimmerman, adoptee and birth mom Jori Victory, birth mom and activist Ashley Mitchell, and adoptive father and attorney for birth father rights, Wes Hutchins.Kelsey and Ashley begin the conversation by telling us about Utah Adoption Rights and why they founded it. Next, we talk with our panelists.Questions we ask Dani Zimmerman, Adoptee: You seem high functioning and successful. As an adoptee, what are some of the challenges you've faced that people wouldn't know about? You have stayed in contact with the agency that handled your placement. What draws you to continue that relationship?Questions we ask Jori Victory, Adoptee and Birth/First Parent:In what ways did your pregnancy trigger unacknowledged grief as an adoptee? What feelings did this bring up for you as you walked through the adoption process?Questions we ask Ashley Mitchell, Birth/First Parent:In Chapter 8, I wrote about informed consent. When asked if there was anything you wish you had been told before relinquishment, you replied, “I was not told how hard open adoption would be. I was not told that my child would want and need to be part of my life. I was never supported in how to process things as they come up in open adoption. I had to figure it out on my own.” We are standing here in your home state of Utah. Knowing what you know now, what should Utah adoption professionals be doing to convey that information to moms before relinquishment? Can you speak more about what is missing? How can we convey that information to moms who are going to make this decision?Question we ask Wes Hutchins, Adoptive Parent:Ethics can be costly, but fraud costs more. You resigned as president from the Utah Adoption Council in 2012 amidst your concerns about what you called “egregious cases of fraud” from a few of the other members of the council. There have been a lot of conversations about the concerns of fraud in many Utah adoption tourism cases in the legislature and the media. Can you speak more about the long-term impact of fraud and what the aftermath may look like?This episode concludes with Kelsey, Sara, and Lori reading their own published thoughts about ethics in adoption."Through trust, we can have an experience of healing. The systems that exist in many ways to exploit us can also be used to heal us." -- panelist and adoptee Dani ZimmermanResources: Utah Adoption RightsCompilation of Utah Adoption Rights in the news Sara's op-ed in Deseret NewsReceipts about what's happening in UtahAn FBI warning about adoption fraud schemesAdoption Unfiltered™ book, events, book club discussion guide, resources, and more: https://adoptionunfiltered.com Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.comWant more Kelsey? Visit https://kelseyranyard.com Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com
Bucking Societal Pressure and Deciding NOT to Adopt with Guest, Jess Tennant (00:54:22)
“There’s so much out there about the people who are ‘successful’ at adopting, but there’s nothing about people who have walked away from the process.” — Jess Tennant, a woman who decided NOT to adopt, due, in part, to predatory adoption agency practices, in ep 31.Jess, is an ally in unfiltering adoption. In 2017 after waiting to adopt for many years, Jess and her husband decided to halt their efforts. Some of the reasons are chilling, as you’ll hear in her story.Jess is a beloved public school teacher in upstate NY, specializing in middle school special ed. She shares sentiments prospective adopters hear from adoption agencies that will make you squirm. She also shares observations about the culture of pronatalism and the ways it shows up pervasively for those wanting to adopt, and even more loudly for those who decide not to.Engage FurtherResources:Jess is featured in Chapter 19 of Adoption UnfilteredJess’s current blog: Finding a Different PathJess’s infertility and adoption blog: My Path to MommyhoodJess’s journey to opennessInterview with Jess in Ep. 306 of Adoption: The Long ViewSara’s Newsweek article (mentioned)Jess’s panel for World Childless Week: “Oops! I completely forgot I could just adopt! Thanks for reminding me.”Gateway Women’s Collective via Childless CollectiveResources through World Childless WeekThe NotMom by Choice or by ChanceSara Easterly:Sara’s WebsiteSearching for Mom: A MemoirAdoptee-Voices.com@saraeasterlyauthorKelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard:Twisted Sisterhood PodcastLove, Your Birth Mom@fromanothamothaLori Holden:Lori’s WebsiteThe Open-Hearted Way to Open AdoptionAdoption: The Long View Podcast@lavluz
Dr. Patrice Martin (00:53:23)
“Let’s start talking about mothers in crisis.” — Patrice Martin, DBA, on the many failures of baby boxes, in ep 30.Patrice Martin is uniquely qualified to speak on the topic of baby boxes, which is a phenomenon that takes existing Safe Haven laws an unnecessary step too far. Patrice herself was abandoned as a newborn.Hear why, in spite of — because of! — her own history as a “foundling,” Patrice is arguing in front of state legislatures around the country against baby boxes and how to get better results with proposed funding than putting babies in boxes.Sara talks about what this extra disconnection from humans and from one’s origins means to adoptees. Kelsey explains the differences between existing Safe Haven laws and the Baby Box movement, and the false dichotomy about Baby Boxes. Lori suggests that when a supporter of this legislation holds up the use of a baby box as a success, that instead, it is a failure.Engage FurtherDr. Patrice Martin: Patrice’s story on TLC’s Long Long FamilyAngela Tucker’s interview with PatricePatrice’s testimony on TN HB2067 (begins at 55:40)Continuity of Care studyPatrice on InstagramAdoptee Prayer Collective on InstagramSara Easterly: Sara’s WebsiteSearching for Mom: A Memoir Adoptee-Voices.com @saraeasterlyauthorKelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard: Twisted Sisterhood Podcast Love, Your Birth Mom @fromanothamothaLori Holden: Lori’s Website The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption Adoption: The Long View Podcast @lavluz Adoption Unfiltered’s episode on the Abortion/Adoption debate Colorado’s Baby Box Bill: Lori’s Testimony At The State Capitol
Jessica Davis and Maureen McCauley (01:15:38)
“Our decision and application to adopt literally caused what happened to the very child we wanted to help.” —Jessica Davis, Founder and Executive Director of Kugatta, in ep 29.
What if you discovered that the child you adopted was not actually an orphan, but someone who had been trafficked away from her family and placed in an orphanage on your behalf? This is the situation faced by activist Jessica Davis, founder and executive director of the nonprofit Kugatta.com. You don’t want to miss her story of courage and conviction, and if you’re an adoptive parent, you will for sure be asking yourself, “what would I do?”
Maureen McCauley is mom to four interracial adoptees (all adults now), through U.S. infant adoption (her sons) and through Ethiopian adoption (her daughters). She also has three granddaughters. Through her long-running blog Light of Day Stories, Maureen investigates and brings us stories that need more light on them. She is a co-facilitator with Adoption Mosaic for “Seasoned Parents,” a class for adoptive parents who want to better understand adoption and whose children are adults, and “Navigating Estrangement,” for adoptive parents who are estranged from their adult children. Her wisdom, on display here, has helped so many.
Sara shares how accountability to the adoptee by the adoptive parent eventually becomes necessary. Kelsey offers a formal invitation to adoptive parents. Lori points to the importance of alignment of adoptive parent’s needs and adoptee’s needs. When they’re in conflict, which one takes precedence?
Engage Further
Related Conversations:
Adoption Unfiltered interview with Kathryn Joyce, author of The Child Catchers
Lori’s interview with Maureen McCauley on the Dance of Adoptive Parenting
Jessica Davis:
Kugatta
Maureen McCauley:
Light of Day Stories
Lions Roaring Far From Home
Adoption Mosaic’s Seasoned Parents course (and others)
Sara Easterly:
Sara’s Website
Searching for Mom: A Memoir
Adoptee-Voices.com
@saraeasterlyauthor
Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard:
Twisted Sisterhood Podcast
Love, Your Birth Mom
@fromanothamotha
Lori Holden:
Lori’s Website
The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
Adoption: The Long View Podcast
@lavluz
April Dinwoodie (00:44:33)
“So many parents are showing up and listening. I’m going to keep showing up with them.” —April Dinwoodie, episode 28.
After decades in this space as a transracial adoptee, activist, executive director, podcaster, mentor, and many other roles, what still surprises April? How might people do this work in a healthy way? What can be the personal costs of advocacy? We talk about this and so much more in a fascinating conversation that covers family preservation, the state of adoption, and spaces in between.
Engage Further
April Dinwoodie:
April’s Website
Adoption Knowledge Affiliates
Transracial Journeys
Quality Improvement Center
Born in June Raised in April Podcast
Calendar Conversations Podcast
@aprildinwoodie
@juneinapril
Sara Easterly:
Sara’s Website
Searching for Mom: A Memoir
Adoptee-Voices.com
@saraeasterlyauthor
Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard:
Twisted Sisterhood Podcast
Love, Your Birth Mom
@fromanothamotha
Lori Holden:
Lori’s Website
The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
Adoption: The Long View Podcast
@lavluz
Betsie Norris of Adoption Network Cleveland (00:43:31)
“You’re dealing with a lot of external politics, but there are a lot of internal politics, too.” —Betsie Norris, Founder and Executive Director of Adoption Network, in ep 27.
How did original birth certificates become available to adult adoptees in Ohio? What were the arguments of the those opposed? What can be the effect of activism on our loved ones, like Betsie’s adoptive father?
Betsie also reveals the pressing issues today and lessons learned after 35 years as an accidental activist for the next wave of activists.
Greg Luce of Adoptees United and Adoptee Rights Law Center (00:55:15)
“When I found out the name of my birth mother, it was the first time I felt tethered to the earth … in many respects, I was then able to walk on the earth.” —Greg Luce, Executive Director of Adoptees United and Attorney and Founder, Adoptee Rights Law Center
Why does Greg work so passionately to open original birth records to adult adoptees in remaining closed states? Which are the states to watch this legislative session? What/who was the practice of sealing records designed to protect? (May not be what you think.)
Are there downsides of transparency when the situation involves victims of sexual abuse, domestic violence, or human trafficking?
What prevents adoptees from being able to get drivers’ licenses, passports, and other forms of identity documentation?
How is it that there are ongoing deportations of adoptees who had been adopted by US citizens, and what is adoptive parents’ role in rectifying this?
Kelsey, Sara, and Lori explore all this and more with Greg. Listen in for issues that have great import for not only adoptees, but also birth parents and adoptive parents.
Haley Radke of Adoptees On (00:57:44)
“One of the most surprising things is the feedback I’ve gotten from people who find Adoptees On: ‘OMG, I literally thought I was the only who had these internal, tumultuous feelings.’ ” —Haley Radke, host and creator of the podcast Adoptees On.
Is there such a thing as an ethical adoption? What are the implications of upstream vs downstream efforts to prevent mother-child separation? What would true informed consent look like for placing parents and for adopting parents? Is adoption a permanent solution to a temporary situation?
And underneath it all, what is the role of deeply listening while tackling such big questions?
We do it—we go into hard places that include religion and politics. Tune in to hear our multiple perspectives.
Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy of AFFCNY (00:57:57)
“Looking at adoption in all its many facets is extremely difficult for any of us. The narrative is rainbows and butterflies and we all learn too late. It tells each of us what we want to hear.” — Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy, “information purveyor and data hoarder,” in ep 24.
What do two birth mother activists talk about when comparing notes from back-in-the-day to current day? What progress has been made and what’s left to do? What gets in the way and what helps make adoption policies and practices more transparent and less predatory?
Be a fly on the wall in this discussion between Claudia, who placed in 1987, and Kelsey, who placed in 2018. Both have long been asking the question, “How can we fix this!?” — on the arduous quest to change things up in big ways.
Sara and Lori weigh in, too. It’s a conversation not to be missed!
Lynelle Long of InterCountry Adoptee Voices (00:58:51)
“When we shared our stories, found our voices, started to speak and connect, there was so much in common, regardless of our birth countries.” — Lynelle Long in Ep 23.
Lynelle Long founded InterCountry Adoptee Voices in 1998 to educate, support, connect, collaborate, galvanise and give voice to intercountry adoptees from around the world. In 2023, she spoke at the United Nations about a Joint Statement on illegal intercountry adoptions: “Victims of Illegal Intercountry Adoption Speak Out.”
As outlined in our book, Adoption Unfiltered, Sara, Kelsey, and Lori talk with Lynelle about how easily intercountry orphan care can turn into intercountry trafficking, and what provisions are (and are not) in place to protect children and families. Reflecting on 25 years in this arena, Lynelle tells us what she hopes to accomplish in the next 25 years.
Pamela Karanova of Adoptees Connect (00:52:59)
This season we are shining a light on the work done by Adoption Advocates and Activists!
“If I was allowed to grieve from the minute I found out I was adopted, my whole life trajectory would have been different. If only I had been allowed to feel sad.” — Pamela Karanova in ep22
Pamela is a beacon of light in the adoption community. Her own difficult circumstances led her to launch Adoptees Connect, communities of in-person support that exist around the US and Canada so that adoptees know they are not alone in their experiences.
She also originated Adoptee Remembrance Day, which aims, among other things, to provide awareness on the too-often linked phenomenon of adoptees and suicide.
What does all of this mean for adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents. and allies? Sara, Kelsey, and Lori talk with Pamela about her activism efforts in creating spaces of connection and healing for adoptees.
Show Notes:
Pamela Karanova:
Pamela’s Website
Adoptees Connect
Adoptee Remembrance Day
Adoption Constellation Round Table Fall 2023 (01:03:00)
“What is the hard part about adoption? ADOPTION is the hard part of adoption.”—A guest in Episode 21
Several adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and allies gather around the table to suss out the question, “What is hard about adoption?”
Is it relinquishment vs adoption? Abandonment vs assimilation?
Is it severance of family and cultural ties?
Is it having to forage for information?
Is it ignorance coming into the adoption process for both expectant parents and adoptive parents?
Is it later feelings of guilt and regret for all we did not know?
Is it separation that’s felt all through the years?
Is it unexpected and unacknowledged grief?
Is it the gratitude that is expected?
Is it the imbalance in power dynamics?
Is it powerlessness over how the story is told?
Is it any number of other aspects brought on by the institutionalization of adoption?
Thanks to each of our guests—each of whom we interviewed for our book, Adoption Unfiltered—for sharing their personal experience, professional insights, and hard-won wisdom about the hard parts of adoption.
Attachment, Adoption, and the Connection Between Food and Caring (00:42:40)
What are the deeper layers of the connection between attachment and food? This is a fascinating conversation with Deborah MacNamara, PhD, author of Nourished: Connection, Food, and Caring for Our Kids (and everyone else we love), for anyone dealing with digestive or attachment issues—which is, likely, all of us.
“If food is not served in the context of togetherness, then it serves emotional distress and can’t be digested well. The whole system isn’t primed and ready to focus on nutrition; it’s focused on solving an emotional problem. This doesn’t mean parents aren’t trying; it’s what the child is experiencing.”
Our conversation covers:
How we can show our caring through food, to help our children depend on us and show that they’re on our radar.
Why the developmental approach is so important to our understanding of adoption, to look at dependence and vulnerability rather than behaviors.
What Maslow’s hierarchy missed and why Maslow missed it.
How both adoptive parents and birth parents can nourish the adoptee through relational radar.
Kelsey’s connection to Grandma Peggy’s carrot cake.
Book Discussion of Lois Lowry's The Giver (00:27:42)
What would it be like to live in a community that protects you from pain, grief, loss, and other difficult feelings? How would it be to have so much sameness among community members that envy was eradicated? What if individuals were prevented from making bad choices?
What would happen in a community that completely downplays genetic connections, a community in which everyone is an adoptee?
Newbery Medalist Lois Lowry envisioned such a community in her 1993 young adult novel The Giver, which is on many banned books lists, and was also adapted into a 2014 film starring Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep. Over the years, many of us in the adoption community have read The Giver without a backdrop of adoption, but when we re-read it with adoption in mind, the story pops in a completely new way.
Watch here as adoptees, birth parents, and an adoptive parent discuss a dystopia in which emotions are suppressed, Birth Mother is a job assignment, and everyone lives in the fog—except for protagonist Jonas and title character, The Giver.
Special thanks to panelists Julian Washio-Collette and Muthoni Gaciku Kittredge for sharing their observations as an adoptee and birth parent, respectively.
Note: If you are interested in discussing The Giver in your own book club and would like access to our free discussion guide, please write to authors@adoptionunfiltered.com with your request.
The Giver book: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giver
The Giver film: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giv...)
One Child Nation film (mentioned): https://www.onechildnation.com/
Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.com/
Want more Kelsey? Visit https://www.instagram.com/fromanotham...
Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com/
Adoption Unfiltered: https://www.adoptionunfiltered.com/
The Past, Present, and Future of Adoption as Seen Through Sage Eyes (00:48:33)
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao has been living adoption for more than 75 years as an adoptee—and professionally connected to adoption for 55 years in various roles, including as a psychologist and lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She is the author of The Family of Adoption, and we three authors are incredibly fortunate that Dr. Joyce has written the foreword to our book, Adoption Unfiltered.
Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent), and Lori Holden (adoptive parent) get to talk with Dr. Joyce about the history—and future—of adoption. Sara, Kelsey, and Lori thank our lucky stars for the opportunity to talk with this national treasure in the world of adoption to glean some of her immense wisdom and perspective.
Late Discovery and Transracial Adoptee Perspectives on Adoption (00:47:37)
“Adoption seems simple from the outside. But when you’re in the thick of it, you see things in ways you never expected.”
Author Melissa Guida-Richards (What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption) joins us to talk about discovering at age 19 that she had been adopted, and that her ethnicity didn’t match her parents. What was it like to experience such a shifting in fundamental truths about herself?
And how could such a breach of trust end up bringing her and her parents closer together?
Melissa is currently on the cusp of meeting her birth mom in Colombia for the very first time. You can follow along that journey on social media at this handle: @adoptee_thoughts
Problematic Adoption Narratives (00:40:03)
Adoption tropes make for blockbuster films and viral news stories, but, as we do here on Adoption Unfiltered, let's dive deeper. Why do such tropes exist and perpetuate? Why do we harbor cultural biases such as: adoptive parents being unquestioningly unselfish and amazing; birth parents being undeserving of raising their kids; adoptees being ungrateful if they speak up and share a fuller story about adoption.
Novelist and book reviewer Alice Stephens joins us to talk about why common adoption tropes are problematic. Alice is also an editor, writing coach, and Korean adoptee.
One recent example in the news has to do with the film The Blind Side, which told the story of Michael Oher and the Tuohy family. People drink up these simplistic stories ... and then draw conclusions about all adoptions, all adoptive families, all birth parents, and all adoptees. Who owns these adoption stories? Who should own these adoption stories? What do we all need to know to be better consumers and creators of these stories? We have thoughts on all that!
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation. We are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVEvMpPAloE
Adoption Unfiltered: https://www.adoptionunfiltered.com/
Alice Stephens' book Famous Adopted People: https://www.famousadoptedpeople.com/
Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.com/
Want more Kelsey? Visit https://www.instagram.com/fromanotham....
Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com
How to Engage with Other Constellation Members (00:33:14)
There’s a difference between listening to and taking from. People enjoy being heard but not being depleted.
What are the unspoken rules of engagement in adoption spaces? On the one hand, it’s great to have our safe spaces for adoptees only, birth parents only, adoptive parents only. Yet we also benefit from having cross-triad conversations, too. Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent), and Lori Holden (adoptive parent) talk about how and how not to approach each other about adoption issues and topics.
Listen in for the rules of engagement that will help make adoption spaces feel safe and those in it feel respected.
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation. We are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/-3a7eEyqOpE
National Adoption Awareness Month (00:26:30)
It’s November, which means National Adoption Awareness Month. Adoption talk, adoption talk, everywhere you go! We’ve described it as overwhelming, emotional laboring, and metamorphosing.
What was the original intent of NAAM? In what ways has the original intent expanded and shifted? Who has benefitted from NAAM, and who hasn’t? Who has historically owned the narrative, and how is that shifting?
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/-3a7eEyqOpE
Adoption Constellation Round Table (01:19:35)
Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth mom) and Lori Holden (adoptive mom) kick of Season 2 with a special Adoption Constellation Round Table, for which we invited adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and others who have something to say about adoption to talk together around this question: What is the biggest ah-ha you’ve had about adoption?
We also make a special announcement! Our book, Adoption Unfiltered, will be published in December 2023 by Rowman & Littlefield! It will include the journeys and stories of the people in this round table, among others. You can pre-order on Amazon or Bookshop!
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/xn6MkQgDYpY
Adoption and the Abortion Debate (01:00:20)
What will happen when the Supreme Court officially rules on Roe v Wade? Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth mom) and Lori Holden (adoptive mom) talk about the overlap between abortion and adoption. Not an easy conversation! Adoption and abortion are so often pitted against each other as opposite sides of coin when it comes to pregnancy decisions. But as Sara points out, there are similarities:
Both have inherent in them aspects of classism and racism;
Both tend to be shrouded in shame and secrecy;
Both come with disenfranchised grief, the kind in which loss is not acknowledged by society.
Other places we go:
“Would you rather have been aborted?”—asked of adoptees.
“It’s God’s will.”
The impacts, foreseen and unforeseen, of Safe Haven boxes.
How prepared are communities in which an option is taken away? What is in place to help women parent well or place their baby for adoption well? (The answers are frightening.)
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/g0LjNTQrqNs
Separation, Trauma, and Healing in Adoption (00:54:49)
Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. joins Sara (adoptee), Kelsey(birth mom), and Lori (adoptive mom) to talk about attachment and healing that can come—or not—after trauma. He provides validation for adoptees that separation is, in fact, a wound that needs tending. He provides wisdom for birth parents on how to incorporate the melancholy thread that becomes part of a life’s tapestry once you place a child for adoption. He provides guidance for adoptive parents on how to help a child who is having big, hard emotions. In short, Dr. Neufeld advises that we “feel the shape of the hole of the loss” as a healthy way of proceeding from the brokenness that adoption arises from.
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/WeHLnrhPkaQ
Problematic Behaviors of Birth Parents (00:58:39)
As the companion discussion to Problematic Behaviors of Adoptive Parents, Adoptee Tony Hynes of C.A.S.E. (the Center for Adoption Support and Education) joins Adoptee Sara Easterly, Birth Mom Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Adoptive Mom Lori Holden to cover some of the problematic behaviors of birth parents.
Tony has quite a story. He is a transracial adoptee raised in an open adoption by his two adoptive moms and his birth grandmother. A rope in a tug of war? A wishbone between two sides who love him? What all this felt like to Tony, along with a conversation about the common behaviors adoptees experience from parents that cause difficulties.
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/ENzs7fdEClM
Ukrainian Crisis & Adoption Industry Corruption (00:54:56)
What happens when tragedy strikes and children need help? Where is that very fine line between helping via adoption and hurting via trafficking? How can we best avoid crossing it?
Kathryn Joyce, who researched and wrote Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption, joins Sara (adoptee), Kelsey (birth mom) and Lori (adoptive mom) offer their perspectives on this complex topic of crisis, orphans, and movements designed to help them.
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/Qqg3vZHl0zo
Adoption Terminology: Words Matter (00:44:08)
Sara (adoptee), Kelsey (birth mom) and Lori (adoptive mom) offer their perspectives on various words people in the triad are called, like “ungrateful adoptee,” “first mom,” and “adoptoraptor.” Plus, other phrases like “put up” vs “placed for” adoption, “Real Mom,” “Gotcha Day,” “Tummy Mummy,” “adoption triad” vs “adoption constellation,” and more.
Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.
To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/eVLcKfH7_wA
