Cuban Cowboys' founder and frontman drinks strong coffee and talks to his 90 year-old Cuban mom about family, politics, U.S.-Cuba idiocy, kids, education, and oh so many personal (mis)adventures.
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Happy New Year! Superfan Ed C. from Florida wrote in a few days ago to see if his list of Cuban New Year’s Eve traditions matched up with Rita’s. Black-eyed peas? Resolutions? Gunfire? Not for our favorite 92 year old Cuban mom! Find out what Rita did or does to celebrate New Year’s Eve in this special episode. We eventually get around to talking politics but not before you learn all sorts of family- and Cuba New Year's Eve weirdness from Rita and Jorge.
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Wrong DeSantis (00:29:05)
It's gotten to the point where Florida's Governor deserves nothing more than to return to governing his state back in to the ground or toward new heights of Christian (in name only) Glory (depending on your political or personal persuasion. Funders backing out, PAC CEO's backing down (i.e. resigning), arguments among what remains of his campaign staff, and, well, stupid looking cowboy boots. The guy can't catch a break like he can't catch fire - on the campaign trial, and, possibly, as life in general. He's come across as so stiff and un-relatable that he simultaneously makes a a solid case for the downsides of robotics and the upsides of AI. Rita and I aren't sure what to do with the guy anymore - Pity? Deride? We are sure, however, that he seems to be fading fast in Nikki Haley's wake. Could it have happened to a nicer guy? Oh, wait, it did already (see: Asa Hutchinson or Dougie Fresh Burgum). All of that said, and in the words of a late 90's one-hit wonder, "you get what you give," Ron. Here's your episode.
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Nikki Haley: Trick, Pick or Dick? (00:27:45)
You decide. Nikki Haley's recent surge in the polls leading up to the first round of primaries has been impressive enough to (further) derail DeSantis while also revealing her to be notably deft in regards to finding ways to strike a balanced, nuanced tone on hot-button topics such as abortion and assorted idiocies that (misin)form Trump's MAGA base. Whatever else, she manages to do something that not even Trump can do: come across as sane, or, at least, reasonable. Will that get her the GOP nomination? Lots of Republican mega-donors are starting to think so. Let's hear what Rita thinks about Ajit and Raj's daughter, Nimarata.
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But Those Pecs! RFK Jr. Quixotic Erotic (00:49:06)
Conspiracy theorist? Anti-Vaxxer? Crackpot? Embarrassment? Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been called all that and more - by the mainstream media and members of his family. He's also been called a supremely gifted litigator, environmental lawyer and defender of our nation's natural resources, waterways and citizens impacted by greedy, unconscionable corporate polluters. His campaign could best be described as quixotic. But he poses a threat -- to greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical industry, the banking system, Joe Biden and his Democratic Party.
Listen as Rita and Jorge discuss the man, the campaign, and, of course, RFK Jr's chiseled body.
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Vivek Ramaswamy, Meet My Mami! (00:34:34)
BioTech Billionaire. Entrepreneur. Trump cheerleader-apologist and smooth-talking GOP Presidential candidate who's star has begun shining more brightly along the winding road to the primaries. Whatever else, you have to admire his speaking abilities and, dare we say, verve. Rita says he is to be feared. Jorge calls bullshit. What say you? Give this episode a listen and let us know!
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The 2024 Presidential Erection (00:35:58)
Given the growing number of octogenarian politicians in the U.S., the two frontrunners in the 2024 Presidential election being foremost, we're not sure what kind of erection can be achieved, so we're likely better off settling for an election. Season 3 starts off with Rita surveying the current state of the Democratic party, Cuba's mild obsession with FDR (and old-school Democrats), before getting in to the first GOP debate, abortion policy, term limits and the lamentable loss of Francis Suarez to our Season 3 agenda or theme: discussing each candidate so you don't have to (not yet, anyway).
This episode is brought to you by The Cuban Cowboys' song, 'The Check's in the Mail', available for streaming everywhere.
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Season 2 Finale: Quinceañeras, Indictments and Bladders. (00:55:49)
Her granddaughter's 15th birthday sends Rita ready down memory lane, recounting her first quinceañera back in Cuba, and lamenting (just a bit) the production the coming-of-age tradition has become for Miami latinos. Of course, what would an ¡Ay, Jorge! grand finale episode be without discussions on race, racism, term limits, Trump indictments, her (latest) physical ailments and, um, being pressed in to deciding between 2, um, corpulent political opponents for the sake of world peace. Enjoy!
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Tío Junior Escapes Cuba...Twice! (00:38:35)
I recently read a book review in The Atlantic entitled “What It Feels Like When Fascism Start.” The book was written in the late 1930’s by Lion Feuchtwanger, one of Germany’s best-known historical fiction writers. The book recounts a family’s time during the Nazi’s ascent just before World War II. The book, The Oppermanns, has just been translated anew, and, apparently, the new translation being released during our world’s current geopolitical climate merits fresh consideration in The Atlantic and otherwise. Like the story’s Oppermanns, many an exile and immigrant, like, say, Ukranian and Central American families nowadays, have a set of tough choices many of us can only imagine. Should they leave their homes, all they know and have, and flee to a new country with nothing but the shirts on their backs? Or should they stay and hope things get better before they get worse. The central choice could be cheekily surmised by the Clash’s ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ but, for the sake of this episode we’ll go ahead and quote the book review by saying “Identifying the point at which all is lost is not that easy.” Neither is identifying the right time to leave, if leaving is what one wants to do.
This episode recounts the story of my mother’s stepbrother, Tomas Honan - otherwise known by me and my sister as “Tío Junior” Tio Junior had come to the U.S. well before Castro’s revolution took hold, but he decided that life in New York City did not suit him so he returned…just in time to watch many of his friends and relatives head the way he came from, leaving Cuba for the U.S. because Fidel’s revolution did not seem all that it had been cracked up to be during its triumphant early days. Junior eventually managed to get himself out of Cuba in one of craziest ways possible: by way of Newfoundland and on the Cuban Communist Party’s dime. Now let Rita go ahead and tell you more.
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Ron DeSanctimonious' Special Midterm Elections Episode (00:35:15)
With the midterm elections upon us -- and Democrat control of the House and Senate imperiled -- we thought it'd be a good idea to check in on our favorite 90 year-old registered Republican living in Florida. Rita weighs in on Cuban history, term limits, Trump, DeSantis, AND reproductive rights in this, um, lively episode. The very first episode of the ¡Ay, Jorge! podcast was recorded just days after the January 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol attack. During the show, Rita revealed that she had voted for Joe Biden. It was the first time she'd ever voted for a Democrat since coming to the U.S. in 1959. Does she regret her choice? Listen and find out.
And speaking of choice: since this is a special episode, Rita has agreed to be presented with a Season 1 choice ... with a twist, of course! No, she won't be asked to choose someone to make a baby with, but she will be asked to choose between having anal sex (with either U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg or 'The Big Bang's Jim Parsons) OR watching one of two political power couples have sex from beginning to (awful, possibly hideous) end. We thought such a choice would be fitting given the fact that a whole bunch of us are going to be screwed one way or another on Tuesday, November 8 2022.
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The Irish Aunts (00:34:50)
Rita had five Irish aunts. Her father’s sisters, like her father, Thomas Honan Jr., grew up under the watchful eye of the OG Irishman who’d stayed in Cuba after fighting alongside Teddy Roosevelt as a member of his vaunted Rough Riders. Four out of five of the Irish aunts made it out of Cuba. Until this episode, I knew three of them only by their nicknames - Cambucha, Lola and Pilín. Alicia - one of whose daughters became a nun, writer and Zen practitioner - was the only one that I knew of with a so-called normal name. Pilín called herself “mi abuela postiza” (my fake grandmother). Pilín was my favorite if for no other reason than she bought me my first baseball bat. Lola married an alcoholic whose claim to fame or infamy - outside of prodigious drinking - was playing high school baseball and basketball alongside Fidel Castro. Lola outlived her husband and all of her sisters. Emma was a dreamer-novelist who kept a rooster in her house published fantastical stories of love and loss. She stayed- and died in Cuba. And for reasons that we hope you discover during this episode, all of them have lived on in Rita’s and my memory for both good and weird reasons.
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Nobody Told Her (or Maggie Chapman) - Two Cuban Girls' Arrival in the U.S. (00:38:33)
My mother got off the plane from Cuba in 1959, landing at LaGuardia with her best friend and one small suitcase. That suitcase contained all she was allowed to take with her out of Cuba. Except for a pillbox hat - which happened to be in fashion those days (thanks to then soon-to-be-First Lady Jackie Kennedy). Back then, people got off planes right on to the tarmac, having to walk to the terminal without the shelter of a covered gangway. My mom’s hat flew off as soon as she set foot on the tarmac. She ran off after it, as it blew down toward the open runways. Her best friend from Cuba, Maggie Chapman, grabbed Rita’s arm - yelling “¡Degjalo que se vaya!” which means, loosely, “Let it go!” But my mom, as with many of her memories of her life in Cuba - just like the entirety of the Cuban exile community or diaspora - could not just let it go. She went after that hat like her life depended on it. And in many ways it did. Nobody told her she’d never go back to Cuba. I don’t know whatever happened to that hat, and, I think I even forgot to ask Rita about it during this podcast (listen and find out!), but I do know that I did my best to capture the bittersweet poignancy of her journey — as embodied by The Cuban Cowboys’ song, as well as her (mostly) lifelong friendship with one Maggie Chapman (Note: That's Maggie in the pic, on the left. Young Rita's on the right, and my grandmother, Irene Zon sits between them)
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Forget Cuba. But Don't Forget Bebita and Marrero! (00:34:12)
Have you ever weedled your parents or one of your parents or grandparents in an attempt to get the real stories behind family lore? Well, if you’ve listened to any ¡Ay, Jorge! episodes, then you know that Jorge is exceptionally gifted in regards to getting his mother, Rita, to say and recall things that had never before come to light. This episode is ostensibly about Bebita and Marrero, my mother’s best, lifelong friend and her husband. As with many episodes, this one evolves or sprawls OR devolves in to discussions on Cuban history, Fidel’s revolution, Ernest Hemingway, exile life in Florida, and even one man’s engorged testicle. Enjoy!
El Dichoso Navarrito (00:37:39)
Jorge's grandfather, Jose "Pepe" Navarro, aka El Dichoso, worked for 9 Cuban presidential administrations. He was all of 16 years in 1921, when a man who'd just been appointed as President Alfredo Zayas' Secretario de la Presidencia hired the teenager as a stenographer (ostensibly ... in actuality and initially, Navarrito was a go-between for politicians, bookies, casinos and loansharks). By 1933, after a near-revolution undid the Machado presidency, Pepe Navarro was appointed by the newly-suspiciously elected Ramón Grau to serve as El Secretario himself. Jorge's grandfather served in that capacity -- essentially a Presidential Cabinet Chief of Staff, for Cuba's next 7 presidents, from Grau all the way up to the early morning hours of January 1, 1959, when Fulgencio Batista fled the island by plane with no shame and suitcases stuffed with cash. 29 years as a key member of pre-Castro Cuba's crazed political cesspool is no mean feat. His longevity took a heady mix of guile, moxie and connections throughout Havana's sprawling, criminal underworld. Listen as Rita shares her memories of the man and his time in- and out of office. Oh, and apologies in advance for Jorge's profanity!
Special Russian Invasion Episode: A Threesome for Peace (00:44:59)
After receiving no less than 62 emails demanding a revisiting of Season 1's 'Baby-Making' segment, Rita's hard choices return with a vengeance! Your favorite 90 year-old Cuban mom* once again drops considerable knowledge on us via her take on Russia and China through the lens of Fidel's Cuban revolution. It's a Mother Rita Vs. Mother Russia battle royale as Jorge and Rita discuss Cuban history in the context of Russia's latest, ongoing foray into sovereignty-busting. What can we learn from Cuba's dalliance(s) with Russia and China? Who would Rita choose to make a baby with? Chinese President Xi Jinping or Russian strongman Vladimir Putin? What if there was a third way? ... a threesome for peace, so to speak? Listen and learn!
*Unless you have your own, actual Cuban mom:)
Doubting Thomas Honan (00:41:15)
Thomas Honan was born in Havana, Cuba, in 1900. He was the son of my Cuban family's patriarch, the 'OG Irishman' Thomas Patrick Honan (my maternal, great grandfather ... the one who'd emigrated from Ireland in the mid-1800's, became a cop in Chicago, and ended up in Cuba after fighting alongside Teddy Roosevelt as a member of the Rough Riders during the Spanish-American War). In some ways, Thomas Jr. never escaped his father's long, grand shadow. Sadly, and in regards to my scant, second-hand memories, this has remained true for me for most of my life. While Rita doesn't set me straight, per se, she does shed more light on her father in this episode. He was the the only grandparent of mine that I've never met, so it's about time I learned a bit more about him.
Liberace Afternoon: The Life and Times of Irene Zón (00:37:33)
I remember watching the Liberace show with my grandmother and great grandmother when I was a little kid. I loved his flamboyance while my grandmother always remarked on his piano playing. In a sort of exchange, I would translate for them in real-time (neither understood much English). My grandmother was something of a piano prodigy herself, and would make it a point to have me watch Liberace's hands and feet as he played. Such were my first music lessons; indirect, via the critical ears of a woman who hated the Cuban revolution if for no other reason than she could no longer play the piano whenever she wanted. It would be a few years before my mom was able to afford a piano for my grandmother. All bets were off the moment the used, upright piano was delivered and tuned. Listen to this episode and you'll know why.
Irene Zón was born in Vigo, Spain and became a piano teacher in Cuba's Centro Gallego de la Habana before finding work as a seamstress in the United States. She was a force of nature, Chancleta Master who did not suffer fools (like my dad, her son-in-law) gladly or otherwise. The tension between her and my father was as palpable as her own marital history was as influential; in my childhood home as in her heart as in her impassioned piano playing. This is some of her story.
El Capitán (00:36:47)
The ¡Ay, Jorge! podcast returns for another season of Jorge interviews with Rita, his 90 year-old Cuban mom. This season takes a deeper dive into their family's exile and subsequent life in the United States. Rita looks back on Cuban history, key relationships, and the lessons of a life well-lived despite political and personal turmoil. Jorge, as ever, tries his very best to distract her with talk of Elon Musk vs. Jeff Bezos rocketry, and assorted allusions to last season's profanities. Season 2, Episode 1 is devoted to Jorge's father, José Agustín Navarro, otherwise known as 'El Capitán.' A member of the CIA-backed La Brigada, the Captain's life was never the same after the ill-fated Bay of Pigs invasion. A former Havana politician, and son of Batista's Chief of Staff, he had lived quite the charmed life before Castro's revolution. Sadly, like many of his generation, the allure of his past could not withstand the harsh reality of life upon realizing that there'd be no returning to the Cuba that once was.
Season 1 Finale - An (Un)Holy Communion (00:32:17)
The ¡Ay, Jorge! Cuban Cowboys' podcast wraps up its first season with the long-awaited 'Who Would You Make a Baby With?' championship round, pitting the #MeToo addled Plácido Domingo against former U.S. President/actor Ronald Reagan AND Bonzo, his TV chimp and co-star. Rita follows up her decision with her thoughts on the future, and what she'd like to see for her grand-children, Joaquín and Elena.
"The Who Would You Make a Baby With?" segment has officially run amok. It's bad enough that my 89-year-old mom, in the previous episode's quarterfinal, AGAIN chose Ronald Reagan -- with his pet chimp Bonzo no less! -- over the likes of a young Che Guevara, and Mark Harmon; but to have her seemingly gloss over the studly and treacherous accomplishments of a Jeff Bezos or Vladimir Putin, while also flatly rejecting the volcanic, smoldering sexiness of Bernie Sanders...this, THIS, dear listeners, was almost too much to bear!
Season 1's penultimate episode results in semifinal, as one lucky Baby-Maker is chosen to face the vaunted Reagan and Bonzo in order to determine who goes up against pre-selected (by Rita, of course) Placido Domingo in the final episode. Who's it gonna be, folks? Elon 'imma tweet about Crypto' Musk? Pope 'perhaps I should apologize for the Church's role in the murder of hundreds of Native American children in Canada' Francis? Augusto Pinochet? Or the aforementioned hotty, Bernie Sanders? Rita's got some tough choices to make because these guys gots game!
What do Che Guevara, Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy and Mark Harmon have in common? I'll tell you! At one point during this podcast's first season, my 89-year-old mom chose each of these men as sexual partners during the "Who Would you Make a Baby With?" segment of our show. Che beat out Nikita Krushchev, Reagan (AND his chimp, Bonzo) handily won over the young newlyweds Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter -- that's right, my mom chose an actor with a monkey over another future President and dignified humanitarian. That was back in Episode 2, where Rita hilariously first uttered the words "I'd tie the monkey down." THIS episode is something of a retrospective disguised as a playoff. Our listeners have spoken (loudly), demanding to know which one would Rita choose from all the men she's, um, loved before (thinking of the the Willie Nelson/Julio Iglesias ballad, except this one's inverse a la Willy Chirino/Dwight Yoakum! Well, maybe not, but either way, ya'll want a Baby Making Champion we gonna crown a Baby Making Champion!).
In this episode, Che, Ronnie, JFK, and Marky Mark Harmon go up against each other in what could be described as a quarterfinal. Jorge prods Rita into discussing the pros/cons of each baby maker with the occasional detour into Communist Cuba's failed agricultural policies and good, ol' equity-slash-inclusion ("Why no Asians or people of darker colors??"). The winner will go on to compete against the upcoming (Episode 11) quarterfinal winner. Whoever Rita chooses in this episode will go on to face one of the following great men: Pope Francis, Augusto Pinochet, Elon Musk or Bernie Sanders. Get your headphones on and bring your A-Game. Rita's ready to make some babies!
¡Comunismo! ¡Socialismo! Oh my! (00:37:48)
At long last: The "Communism" episode! Rita goes off on her progressive, possibly socialist son (um, that's me, your host), providing an in-depth origin story of communism in Cuba. While there's no Marvel Universe Thanos, there are quite a few interesting characters and moments discussed. From Fabio Grobart -- the infamous "Man With Three Names" - to a young, impressionable Fidel Castro, all the way up to last week's Raul Castro retirement, with a whole lotta guns, poverty and outrage in between. To Rita, the U.S. embargo against Cuba is far less damaging to her home country's people that the political system in place. To U.S. politicians, particularly Presidential candidates, the mere mention of the word "Communism" (or "Socialism" for that matter) is enough to sway Cuban and many other Latino voters to go Republican. Anything, it seems, even oligarchy, is preferable to what went down in Cuba and other parts of South- and Central America. Is the United States at least partially to blame for what went- and goes down (re: years of political and economic destabilization, drugs, right-wing death squads, chimichangas ... just kidding on that last one...only that last one)?? Hell yes! Does it matter to Rita? Hell no! Well ... ok .. maybe a little. Listen for yourself and tell me what you think.
This week's "Who Would You Make a Baby With?" segment pits none other than Russia's Most Sexiest Man, Vladimir Putin against a young, frazzled but righteous Bernie Sanders. Rita was, understandably, appalled by the choice, but, goodness, choose she did!
How Soon Is Now? The Future May Kill Us (00:33:21)
Try as he might (and he does!), Jorge is unable to engage Rita in anything regarding homosexuality (as listeners' requests for a so-called "Gay Episode" have doubled in recent weeks ... re: LGBTQ+ equity, inclusion, and Rita's perspectives therein). The conversation then turns toward the future, and the role of technology in bringing about improvements and/or the end of humanity as we now know it. Rita counts the microwave and the internet as the biggest or most impactful technological developments during her lifetime before going on to lament her grandkids' dependence on mobile devices (to say nothing of their posture:)). Will technology saved us? Can it? Listen as Rita speaks to those questions, and then some -- all the while fending off repeated interruptions, as Jorge can't help himself from mentioning Law and Order SVU's Christopher Meloni's recent, gluteal, um, viri .. virality! Maybe this is the "Gay Episode" after all? You'll have to decide for yourself!
Speaking of decisions, this episode's "Who Would You Make a Baby With?" segments pits tech titans Jeff Bezos against Elon Musk. Apple iOS versus Android? Maybe, but, either way, Rita's choice may surprise you.
What Happens When You Die? (00:31:34)
Mortality can be weird, as an actuality, topic and otherwise. My mom took a spill on the first night of her visit, here in San Francisco. We recorded this episode in my kitchen, mere steps away from where she'd fallen earlier in the week. The episode (heh) inspired the topic -- as we discuss mortality from the perspective of an 89 year-old that's outlived all but one of her friends, and this here 55 year-old who can see the end so to speak. Listen as Rita describes what she believes happens when people die, some of her experiences with death, as well as some random thoughts on Catholicism, Christianity and sexuality. Speaking of sexuality (with a dollop of religiosity and papacy!), this episode's "Who Would You Make a Baby With?" segment forces Rita to choose between a young Jesuit priest from Argentina (Jorge Mario Borgoglio, now known as Pope Francis) and the young, strapping Pole, Karol Josef Wostyla (who grew up to be Pope John Paul II). The "catch" - or consequence -- along with making love with a future Pope: her choice's pastoral career will be derailed. But, hey, near-papal baby!
Immigrant Song (00:33:05)
This episode features Rita recounting her own Cuban exile experience against the larger backdrop of the United States' twisted, contradictory, arbitrary and oft-cruel immigration policy. Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song never rang so true. Neither has Cypress Hill's Insane in the Membrane for that matter! The picture you see here is of my namesake's press conference, upon docking in Newport News after sailing a Cuban freighter from Havana and requesting political asylum. He was granted asylum by then-Attorney General Bobby Kennedy, on the condition that the ship and its sugar cargo be returned to Castro's Cuba. Aside 1: My namesake is the thin guy in the light colored suit, hair slicked back, hands between his legs. Aside 2: there's an inordinate, disturbing number of weird looking ears in that pic! What's up with that? In any case, Miami has been something of an immigration epicenter; from at least 3 waves of Cuban exiles through several waves of natural disaster- and political turmoil-related exiles, one can start to see patterns of preference, power and privilege. Listen and learn why!
This week's "Who Would You Make a Baby With?" is all about right-wing, murderous strongmen! Rita is forced to choose between notorious Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet or Spain's ultra-Nationalist, possibly fascist Generalissimo Francisco Franco. Listen as she wrestles with history and her conscience in making her choice!
Eartha Kitt and The Shah of Iran (00:36:10)
OK. So this episode has only a little to do with either. But, hey, that is Eartha Kitt and my mom in the pic, so there's that. And more (including what Eartha said to Rita about the necklace in the pic, re: The Shah of Iran). File this episode under "Stuff You Never Knew Your Mom Did When You Were a Kid." Turns out my mom was a theatre critic AND an advice columnist in the late 1970's through the late '80's. Listen as she recounts her days studying acting (?!) back in Cuba - until the day Castro's revolutionaries started setting off bombs around Havana - and the formation of Cuban arts, culture and social clubs in Miami during the 1970's. Rita tosses out names like Zev Buffman, Burt Bacharach as if they were her pals while recounting her time as a critic and columnist in a Miami that sounds as lively then as it purports to be now.
This week's "Who Would You Make a Baby With?" segment features TV stars of 1960's and 70's pitted against NCIS' Mark Harmon! Come swoon with Rita:)
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